- Saturday, August 18, 2007
- speaking of clothes
- Posted by Zach in News
-
Last night at Barnes and Noble, I saw something peculiar. There was a girl with clothing choices informed no doubt by the record-setting summer temperatures. Her dear clothes were like some noble Belgium company lost behind enemy lines in the first world’s war. Doomed from the first, lacking comfort in numbers, and surrounded on all sides by advancing flesh, the girl’s garments strained to preserve for her some slight modesty. It was a courageous and principled stand. Had I been a more sensitive soul, I might have responded to her clothes’ idealistic resistince, but before I could salute, a voice behind me said, “So there you are!” I turned and saw an ungainly fellow with a tortured mustache approach the girl. She paid him no mind and continued to peruse the shelves. “Guess what?” he said. No answer. “I read an article about the smallest performance engine.” He waited. Nothing. “It runs at 23,000 r.p.m.” The silence hung in the air for a moment. And there it stayed. I reached the end of the aisle (for I was walking) and I have no idea if she ever responded.
It is of course rude not to respond, and when the strands of life’s web vibrate, we should all react in a generous measure. In some way, through his extended pauses, the guy attempted to provoke the girl to a response. One might argue that the girl herself dressed (or undressed) in a way to solicit a reaction, and his talk of small perfomance engines was only a way that he could ignore her. As I prepared to leave Barnes and Noble, these thoughts burned across my mind. I immediately recognized my error. In my haste to condemn the girl’s failure to respond, I had overlooked my own failure to respond to the shaking of the web. At once, I purposed to correct my rudeness.
As I walked toward the exit I again spotted the girl. Her clothing certainly deserved a response, and I for one would not be so callous as to ignore it. I slipped behind her, and fiercely whispered to her beleaguered attire, “Never Surrender!”
As you’ve already read, our store will be open in a few days. No longer do people need to ooze out of clothes like oversized muffins that overlap their tins. Feel free to buy our shirts for yourself or pass them on to others and make a last stand in the cause of modesty. In the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes, “Fight to the end and go down with your flag at the peak.” In this small way we may be able to shake the silver strands that hold us together and inspire a nation.
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3 Responses to “speaking of clothes”
was this piece written in the name of endearing humorous prose or is this a reality tv moment? did you REALLy ReaLlY sneak up behind the poor muffin & say “never surrender?” the video clip playing in my head is no doubt entertaining and i chuckle, but i am also kinda shocked if you are that brave.
of course she was brave to leave the house, but really zach? are you that funny in real life or just on portland’s blog?
it was written in the name of (hopefully) humorous prose. I would never EVER insult an unsuspecting person … unless I had an audience.
well, your audience here was thoroughly entertained.
THANK YOU.