- Wednesday, November 26, 2008
- Happy Thanksgiving
- Posted by Zach in News
-
I can’t help but think that this animal was created to be beheaded. I mean, look at its head.
It’s bright red, as if to say, “remove!” The turkey head, seems to be to be Nature’s own Highlight’s-magazine-one-of-these-things-does-not-belong game.
Traditionally, the President of the United States pardons a turkey at thanksgiving. These turkeys used to go to the suspiciously named Frying Pan Park. But for the past 3 years, they’ve gone to live at Disneyland. Not joking. I miss the days of Eisenhower. When somebody sent him a turkey, he ate it. He didn’t pack it off to a fun-filled, family-friendly, magical resort! The world has officially gone crazy.
Some journalists have mistakenly suggested that the pardoned Turkey spends the remainder of its days at a petting zoo. Obviously false! Who on earth would want to pet a turkey head? It’d be like petting a tumor. It sends chills up my spine just thinking about it.
Clearly, the only sane thing to do is to remove the head and eat the body.
I hope all of you have a Happy Thanksgiving and if you must pet a turkey, do it with a knife and some butter.
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2 Responses to “Happy Thanksgiving”
powerful post, zach.
i mean
i’ve never seen you use so many exclamation points.
i’ll stick with pie & you can have my decapitated turkey, though, k?
True, turkey heads are such stuff as nightmares are made of . . . But when you see a turkey up close, the glory of its feathers more than makes up for it. You don’t even notice the head for all the really gorgeous plumage with which they’re blessed. They become almost beautiful, in fact.
(This is especially true if the one you’re up close to has been hit by a car, ultimately landing unceremoniously ON its head with its rear in the air — then you don’t notice at all.)